


And denser still the snow

by Vampiric_Charms



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Some angst, mostly fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25069777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiric_Charms/pseuds/Vampiric_Charms
Summary: Emotion is not necessarily something to hide from, and Emily tries to convince JJ of that after a cold, bloody day.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 1
Kudos: 90





	And denser still the snow

**Author's Note:**

> This is set sometime late in s2 or early s3, when Emily is still new-ish to the team. No spoilers.  
> (Also, if any of you have any jemily requests, hit me up here or on tumblr!)
> 
> Enjoy!

The hot steam of the shower fogged the hotel bathroom when Emily finally got out, feeling much better for having washed the stench of a bloody crime scene off of her skin. She wrapped a scratchy towel around her body to soak up the last of the warm water, then used it to wrap her wet hair in while she tugged her pajamas on.

While it was not the frostbitten dead of winter yet, Wisconsin in late November was already pretty miserable. The team had been there for three days and, though they were closing in on the culprit, he had disposed of his final victim sometime the previous night - a young boy, only ten and left like an animal to bleed out in the snow. The bitter cold had thankfully saved his life, and he had been reunited with his parents in the hospital only a few hours ago.

The crime scene, even with a survivor, had been covered with blood and the smell of it had stuck in Emily’s hair. She was very glad to finally have a shower.

Steam spilled out around her as she opened the bathroom door and went back into the main part of the hotel room. JJ had already showered, having left the precinct before everyone else citing a headache after the boy was saved. Emily was about to tell her to be careful on the slippery floor if she went back in to brush her teeth, but JJ was still curled up in her bed facing the wall, stiff comforter tugged up to her shoulders. Just the way Emily had found her when she got back.

Emily pulled the towel out of her hair and ran her brush through it in silence, not nervous but also unsure if she should say something.

It was rare that they had to share a room when they went on a case, but this was a very small town and, in order to accommodate their full team, everyone had been doubled up. Emily didn’t mind, and she knew JJ didn’t either. They usually spent evenings like this talking, mostly about the current case but sometimes too about themselves. 

Emily still thought herself somewhat like an outsider to their group, and these uncommon nights made her feel more welcome. At least more welcome to be JJ’s friend, even if she was still working on getting there with everyone else (except Garcia, who had accepted her immediately with so much enthusiasm that Emily was only slightly overwhelmed by it).

But in that moment as she hesitated, Emily knew full well that JJ was not sick the way she had claimed, that she was instead uncomfortable or unhappy, more than likely upset about what they had seen that day. She just didn’t know if she was allowed to say anything without crossing an invisible line in their new friendship.

Quietly as she could, Emily turned off the lamp JJ had left on for her and climbed into the second bed, preparing to stare at the ceiling in thought for the next hour or five.

“How was Andy when you left?”

Emily startled at the sound of JJ’s voice and she turned her head to see that she hadn’t moved, still bundled up under the hotel blankets. “He was doing much better,” Emily told her, eyes starting to adjust in the darkness. “Doctor said he would need treatment for blood loss and hypothermia, and the poor kid will probably need therapy - but yeah, he was a lot better, especially when his mom got there.”

JJ didn’t reply and, thinking that was all she wanted to know, Emily settled down in bed and rolled over under the warm blankets to face the window. 

Then - “We still haven’t caught the guy, though.”

“No,” Emily agreed, staring at the dark curtains that blocked the streetlights below, the heavy fall of snow from above. “But we know who he is; we just need to track him down. I bet,” she added tiredly, “we’ll have him in custody by noon.”

“I wish I had your faith,” JJ said with a little humorless laugh.

Emily rolled over again to see the other bed. JJ was still under her mountain of blankets and Emily could just make out her shape in the darkness, the stark blonde of her hair on the pillow behind her, facing away. “My faith?”

“That everything will be okay,” JJ clarified. She moved a little, stretching, and the dark shadows of the room shifted with her. “I really wonder sometimes.”

Emily wasn’t sure if that referred to the case turning in their favor or perhaps to something more personal about Emily herself, and she blinked, trying to think of what to say. Nothing very supportive came to mind and she grasped the first thing. “You can have faith in your team, at least. When you’re worried about a case.”

JJ was silent again for a moment before asking, “Aren’t there cases that get under your skin?”

“Of course there are,” Emily replied quickly, keeping her tone gentle in the hopes it would help soothe whatever upsetting thoughts were plaguing JJ’s mind. “Do you, uh, want some company over there with your troubles?”

There was a rustling as JJ moved the blankets enough to peer over her shoulder in the stifling darkness of the room. Emily could see the faint glitter of her eyes. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind.”

Emily sat up in her bed and turned one of the bedside lamps on, its soft glow lighting the room. JJ didn’t move to acknowledge the movement, not yet, and Emily crossed the small divide between their beds and sat on the mattress beside her. “What’s up, Jayje?” she asked quietly, not sure yet whether to stay where she was or lie against the headboard.

JJ finally rolled over to face her, and Emily could clearly see she had been crying. Maybe not since Emily had returned to the room, but certainly for a while before that. She frowned. JJ’s cheeks were red and puffy, the skin under her eyes discolored. She looked more than just upset; she looked downright miserable. 

JJ’s shiny eyes met Emily’s in the dim light and Emily’s chest tightened with a brief surge of alarm she wasn’t prepared for. “Oh, hey, what’s wrong?”

“I dunno,” JJ replied, words thick with her exhaustion and emotion. “I guess I just - I feel so powerless, with cases like these. Kids. What kind of person am I if I can’t even save an innocent child from a monster?”

“JJ, that’s -”

“I wish I was like you,” JJ interrupted before Emily could even begin trying to comfort her. Emily narrowed her eyebrows, confused, and JJ continued without looking at her. “Insensitive to the horrors we see every day. It’s like you’re immune to it or something.”

Refusing to take what she said at face value, even if it stung, Emily reached out to touch JJ’s calf over the mound of blankets. She knew JJ didn’t mean it, not really. “I’m not immune,” Emily countered lightly. “I just process it differently. _Everyone_ processes these things differently. There’s nothing wrong with you for being overwhelmed by this specific case, especially given what those boys have been through.”

JJ made a huffing sound, an obvious sign that she didn’t believe what Emily had said. “These _feelings_ ,” she said sourly, “they get in the way of me doing my job. How is that okay?”

Considering her response, Emily moved so she had her back against the headboard and pulled her legs up to stretch in front of her, still giving JJ plenty of space but making sure she knew Emily was right there with her. Emily saw JJ purse her lips, close her eyes, and knew she received the message. She set her hand down, palm up, on the mattress between them and JJ slipped her own hand over it, holding tight.

“You know,” Emily said quietly, turning her gaze away, “when I was younger, before my mom started moving us around the world - I read a lot of Agatha Christie. Definitely not why I joined - ” she halted, unsure of how much she wanted to divulge just yet, if it was important in this moment. It wasn’t. “Not why I joined the bureau,” she supplied, “but I always loved the way she wrote these logical, seamless stories neatly solved through reasonable deduction. Everything had its place and its reason, everything made sense.” 

JJ opened her eyes and looked up at her, shadows across her face from the dim lamplight. Emily gave her a lopsided smile. 

“When we started moving,” she continued, “I guess that’s when I learned how to compartmentalize away my problems, to analyze them from a distance instead of really feel them. I was trying to force my life to be simple, like a novel. But,” she concluded, making sure JJ was still watching her, paying attention. “Being open to all these emotions we hate - it’s not a bad thing. It’s what makes you so good at your job, so compassionate with the people we meet. Don’t run from that, _embrace_ it.”

“I just -” JJ broke off and sighed. “I hate being this weak, when nothing I do makes any difference.”

“You are not weak, JJ,” Emily said sharply, defensive on her friend’s behalf even against herself. JJ stared up at her again from her fortress of blankets, eyes wide, and Emily’s tone softened. She squeezed JJ’s hand. “You’re not,” she repeated, “and in fact, your ability to feel this intensely makes you human, and that humanity is your strength in this job. It is not weakness.”

JJ was silent as she listened, her expression turning thoughtful, and Emily felt a small tension in her stomach release as JJ found herself again. After a moment, JJ shifted a little, making space and then lifting the covers. “Are you cold?”

It was an invitation, and Emily took it gratefully, scooting away from the headboard enough to lie down and pull the offered blankets over her body. The cocoon JJ had made was warm, a perfect contrast to the chilly room and snow outside. Emily settled on her back, once again staring at the ceiling but with the concern from before gone now. JJ was curled on her side next to her, seeming to be mildly content now. Emily considered reaching over to turn off the lamp but she didn’t want to move out of the cozy shelter in the bed.

“They’re our team.”

“What?” Emily glanced over to see JJ still watching her, blue eyes red-rimmed but clear.

“A few minutes ago you called them ‘my team’,” she explained, soft voice making Emily’s throat hurt with her sincerity. JJ found Emily’s hand again and held it securely in her own under the covers. “They’re _our_ team. You’re included in that, with us.”

Warmth settled in Emily’s chest, a soothing and gentle solace she hadn’t felt in a very long time. JJ smiled at her and Emily returned it without hesitation, knowing JJ was right.

Braving the cold long enough to turn off the light, Emily settled down into the bed, under the blankets beside JJ. It had been years since she had slept in the same bed as someone. Decades, even. But JJ had invited her to stay here, to give her source of comfort through her difficult night, and Emily wanted to.

“Goodnight,” JJ whispered through the darkness, then much softer, “Thank you.”

“Sweet dreams, Jayje.”

  
  
  



End file.
